“X Rocks” Opens at Rio, Delivers One of the Best Topless Shows in Las Vegas

There are some shows in Las Vegas that just work. They keep it simple, and deliver what they promise. The recently-opened “X Rocks” topless revue at Rio Las Vegas delivers, bigtime.

These photos should be safe for work, unless your boss is Amish or something.

These photos should be safe for work, unless your boss is Amish or something.

There’s no plot in “X Rocks.” No subtext or character arcs or theme. It’s five women, often topless, dancing to music for more than 90 minutes. It’s the kind of show that helps make Las Vegas what it is, an adult playground, and if you’re into this kind of show, you’ll love “X Rocks.”

All the requisite fantasy sequences are covered. It's like Chippendales, but without all the shirt-tearing.

All the requisite fantasy sequences are covered. In its own way, it’s like Chippendales, but without all the shirt-ripping.

In a show like “X Rocks,” it doesn’t particularly matter if the dancing is any good. (It is.) It doesn’t matter how many costume changes there are. (There are a lot.) It doesn’t even matter that the King’s Room at Rio is weird. (It feels like a converted storage space, a slap to Feng Shui with its asymmetrical seating and funky sight lines.)

Topless shows play by a different set of rules. Are the women attractive? (They are.) Do they take their clothes off at regular intervals? (They do.) What else is there to know?

Thankfully, the artsy moments are few and far between.

Thankfully, the artsy moments are few and far between.

The thing about topless shows in Vegas is they often aren’t at all sexy. Seems counter-intuitive, but it’s true. “Peepshow” never got close to being sexy, even with all the flesh. “Jubilee!” is a topless show, but there’s not a trace of sexuality to be found. “Zumanity”? Not even remotely sexy. We never found “X Burlesque,” the Flamingo show produced by the same folks as “X Rocks,” sexy either, although it sort of has the same vibe as “X Rocks.”

Prior to “X Rocks,” the only other show on The Strip that pulled it off, so to speak, is “Fantasy” at Luxor, our favorite topless show in Las Vegas.

“X Rocks” has that certain something, though. The elusive sexy mojo. It knows what it wants to do, and is unapologetic about doing it. For example, during certain portions of “X Rocks,” all you see are body parts. Butts. Legs. If you have issues with objectification, you’re in the wrong theater.

You're in Vegas, just go with it.

You’re in Vegas, just go with it.

Our biggest complaint about “X Rocks” has to do with the lighting. There’s just so much of it, all the time.

The lighting includes projections of shapes and words and just about anything else you can think of. We suspect the show feels like this barrage of lights adds to the production value, but in a way, it’s like putting clothes back on the dancers, which sort of defeats the purpose of “X Rocks” to begin with.

Stop covering up with lights what she's working so hard to uncover, thanks.

Stop covering up with lights what she’s working so hard to uncover, thanks.

Oh, and there’s a “comedian,” presumably named John Bizarre, which is possibly not his real name. He’d probably be great were it not for the fact he: 1) awkwardly interrupts the nakedness, and 2) doesn’t have any actual jokes.

Being the comic relief in a topless show is a rough job, and this case, nobody has to do it.

It’s a rough job. And in this case, we suggest nobody do it.

Overall, “X Rocks” at Rio Las Vegas knows exactly what it’s doing.

Being a Las Vegas blog is probably not the worst job in the world, actually.

Insider trivia: Most Las Vegas shows lose money based on ticket sales, but they make it up on the back end.

“X Rocks” a fun-filled, sexy romp–one of the best topless shows in Las Vegas! And we’re not just saying that so they’ll use our quote in their ads. Probably.

On the bendy scale, "X Rocks" gets an 11. Yes, there's a bendy scale.

On the bendy scale, “X Rocks” gets an 11. Yes, there’s a bendy scale.

Enjoy more PG-13 photos from the newest topless show in Las Vegas, “X Rocks.”

"X Rocks" at Rio Las Vegas

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2 thoughts on ““X Rocks” Opens at Rio, Delivers One of the Best Topless Shows in Las Vegas

  1. BC

    That was probably the most useful show review I’ve ever read. Agree with you that complex lighting is akin to dressing the dancers. Also in agreement with your assessment of Fantasy.


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