Vital Vegas

The Five Most Disappointing Things in Las Vegas Right Now

Las Vegas is epic in so many ways, but it’s not infallible. Here, then, are the five most
disappointing things in Las Vegas right now.

1. “Hoto” in the Shops at Crystals

MGM Resorts has a serious crush on Japan (and Japanese high rollers) at the moment, and that’s manifesting itself in interesting ways. Recently, the company hosted a kabuki show on the lake at Bellagio. Now, a work of art by a Japanese artist has found a home at the Shops at Crystals, part of CityCenter. Behold, “Hoto.”

When we first saw Hoto (which translates as “treasure pagoda”) in person, we were overcome with emotion. That emotion was WTF.

Seriously, if you can look at this alleged work of art and think of anything other than it resembling a dildo for a giant robot, you’re infinitely more evolved than we are.

Hoto is inlaid with 3,827 LED numerical displays. Which, in a wild coincidence, is the exact number of ways we think this is stupid.

The giant robot dildo is the work of Tatsuo Miyajima and is said to represent “his belief every life is important as well as his hope for inter-connectedness across the globe creating peace and community.” All due respect, Tatsuo, but time for a new prescription.

Bonus WTF: Alert reader Chris R. notes Spanish-speaking visitors to Crystals may take offense at “Hoto.” “Joto,” pronounced similarly in Spanish, is a well-known slur for homosexuals.

2. “Starburst Light Spectacular” at Grand Bazaar Shops

Ever since the Grand Bazaar Shops opened at Bally’s, we’ve described it as looking like a rainbow fell into an industrial blender. And while the whole fiasco is disappointing, the grandest of disappointments at Grand Bazaar Shops is what’s been trumpeted as the Swarovski “starburst light spectacular.”

Those are the words of the Grand Bazaar Shops, not ours. Here’s the starburst in question.

They’re doing “spectacle” wrong.

Initially, the starburst spectacular was called the “Swarovski Midnight Celebration.” In fact, though, the spectacular takes place at 9:00 p.m. But this is not the time to get bogged down by specifics!

Here, then, is the “Swarovski Starburst Light Spectacular” at Grand Bazaar Shops.

We would rather endure a rectal exam from Wolverine than watch this nonsense again. Just skip it and your Las Vegas visit will automatically be 80% less “meh.”

3. “Fall of Atlantis” in the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace

We had high hopes when the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace announced its “Fall of Atlantis” attraction was being renovated.

The renovation, unveiled in Dec. 2013, did little more than unnecessarily prolong the life of a cheesy marketing gimmick that should’ve been euthanized back in the ’90s.

Ever stub your toe in the middle of the night? This is less entertaining.

If you’re looking to cure your insomnia, watch “Fall of Atlantis,” below. Fair warning, though, it’s seven minutes of your life you’ll never get back.

That sound you hear is Walt Disney spinning in his grave.

4. “A Gift From the Earth” at Bellagio

The wooing of Japanese whales isn’t restricted to the aforementioned giant robot dildo. Oh, no, there’s also an awesome work of art outside Bellagio pandering to (sorry, catering to) the Japanese market. It’s called “A Gift From the Earth,” from Japanese sculptor Masatoshi Izumi.

The art installation is made up of large rocks representing wind, fire, water and land. But mostly land, because honestly, they’re four large rocks.

Somebody at Bellagio got punked.

The Bellagio says the stones were “meticulously hand-carved from basalt over the course of 18 months.”

We can tell you right now, the only one not disappointed by this display is artist Masatoshi Izumi, because he cashed what we can only assume was a sizable check for digging up four rocks and convincing people they’re art.

5. Sex With This Las Vegas Blog

Easily the biggest disappointment in Las Vegas at the moment.

Somebody had to say it.

So, have you been disappointed in Las Vegas recently? We’d love to hear how. Drop us a line, Tweet at us or post a comment.