Category Archives: Vital Signs

Arena Football’s Las Vegas Outlaws Go Under

The floundering Las Vegas Outlaws, Sin City’s third attempt at an Arena Football League franchise, have ceased operations after just one season.

The Las Vegas Outlaws launched in April 2015, and rumors of the demise of the troubled team have been swirling since June.

The Outlaws have had trouble attracting fans from opening day, with attendance at home games averaging a paltry 3,500.

Las Vegas Outlaws

And, yes, to answer your other question, there’s still an Arena Football League.

In mid-July, control of the Las Vegas Outlaws was wrested away from owner Vince Neil, former frontman for Mötley Crüe, by the Arena Football League. Neil and his ownership partners reportedly lost control of the team when debts mounted and the AFL stepped in to bail the team out.

Vince Neil, ever the class act, blamed Las Vegas on the team’s financial problems. “Sports teams survive on sponsorships. It’s the sponsors who keep all sports alive, and unfortunately Las Vegas did not step up as much as we envisioned with sufficient sponsorships.” Get out your waders, folks, it’s finger-pointing time. Read more.

Vince Neil’s cringe-worthy rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” at the launch event for the Outlaws is the stuff of Las Vegas legend, for all the wrong reasons.

The Outlaws are the third AFL team to tank in Las Vegas.

In 1994, there was The Sting. Unable to gain a foothold in Vegas, the team eventually moved to Anaheim, California. (They became the Anaheim Piranhas.) Another team, The Gladiators, made a go of it in Vegas from 2003 to 2007 before relocating to Cleveland.

Seriously, how bad to things have to get before moving to Cleveland is an improvement?

As for the Las Vegas Outlaws, insiders claim AFL Commissioner Scott Butera is seeking a new ownership group for the team. Vince Neil says, cluelessly, “The Outlaws will be back for next season.” Right. Don’t hold your breath.


Sin City’s Ultimate Lounge Lizard, Cook E. Jarr, Is Back at Paris Las Vegas

In some cities, being described as a “lounge lizard” isn’t exactly flattering, but screw that, in Vegas it’s a badge of honor!

The ultimate Las Vegas lounge lizard, Cook E. Jarr, has announced his return from a brief hiatus and he’ll take the stage at Paris Las Vegas beginning June 15, 2015. The show is expected to be free.

Cook E. Jarr

If you don’t get Cook E. Jarr, it’s possible you don’t get Las Vegas.

Cook E. Jarr has a rabid following, and fans were disappointed when he ended his run at Harrah’s Las Vegas on August 27, 2014. Before that, he was a fixture at Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall, now The Cromwell.

Jarr will perform in Napoleon’s Lounge at Paris every Monday, 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.

Unlike lots of Vegas performers, Cook E. Jarr is in on the joke. He mocks his own helmet-like hairstyle, for example.

Cook E. Jarr

Cook E. Jarr has performed at the Sands, Dunes and El Rancho, among others.

The good news is that, also unlike may Vegas performers, Cook E. Jarr actually sings during his show, as opposed to using vocal backing tracks. He typically sings to pre-recorded music, but the karaoke is of top-notch quality, and Jarr never fails to entertain.

During one show, we saw Jarr pull an audience member onstage to chat with the guest’s family member on the phone. During the show. It was awesome.

Cook E. Jarr

Cook E. Jarr works a crowd like Gordon Ramsay works an expletive.

Jarr’s show is overflowing with cheese, just the way we like our lounge acts in Vegas. He’s pretty much guaranteed to do a patriotic number draped in an American flag. Audiences don’t cringe, they roar their approval, proof of Jarr’s timeless charm.

Cook E. Jarr

“God Bless the U.S.A.” is Jarr’s go-to anthem.

Cook E. Jarr’s unique form of schmaltz is a throwback to a quirkier time on the Las Vegas Strip and we wish him all the best with his new gig.

A Metric Ass-Ton of Las Vegas News We Have Neither the Time Nor Inclination to Write More About

It’s time for a cavalcade of Las Vegas news we’d love to write more about, but writing often involves “research” and “spell checking,” which we’re almost entirely not interested in. Here we go!

googie Nevada lawmakers took a time out from being batshit crazy to make an actual good decision: They voted to approve Uber and other ride-hailing companies. The bill failed a couple of times until legislators figured out how to attach $70 million in taxes to the deal (the 3% tax on fares will also hit taxi companies). The governor is expected to sign the legislation. Nobody seems to know when the law will take effect, so more on that soon.


Taxi companies state, “How can you trust a company with such a glaring bias toward umlauts.”

googie In other legislative news, Nevada Governor Brian approved a bill allowing slot machines with “skill-based, arcade-style elements.” Which translates, of course, as “slot machines with the appearance of being skill-based to entice Millenials into playing slot machines.”

Top Dollar

Trust us, we’re familiar with slot machines providing the illusion of being skill-based.

googie Downtown’s Fremont Street Experience (where this blog works as his day gig) has announced its free Rock of Vegas summer concert series schedule. The first concert featured KC and The Sunshine Band on May 23. Upcoming concerts include Tonic and Vertical Horizon (May 30); The Smithereens, Tubes and Motels (June 13); Smash Mouth and Toad the Wet Sprocket (June 27); Theory of a Deadman (July 18); Spin Doctors & Cherry Poppin’ Daddies (Aug. 1) and Kansas and Blue Oyster Cult (Sep. 6). For details, visit the awesome official site, and we’re not just saying that because we do their Web site. Probably.

KC and The Sunshine Band

KC assured booties were, indeed, shaken.

googie The Interlude bar at The Cromwell is being taken over by Drai’s Group, the folks behind the hotel’s extraordinarily annoying and successful Drai’s Beach Club & Nightclub. It’s expected drink prices will continue to be outrageous, but now guests will have the opportunity to drink them in the company of even more preening, self-absorbed dipshits.

Cromwell bar

Dibs on The Preening, Self-Absorbed Dipshits as a band name.

googie The Lucky Dragon project has released new renderings, and has symbolically begun pouring concrete. There’s no actual evidence this nine-story, 201-room boutique hotel-casino has financing, so it’s likely this project could be another SkyVue observation wheel. Check out the project’s Web site to witness a company trying really, really hard to be seen as legit.

Lucky Dragon

Of all the new casino projects unlikely to ever actually happen in Las Vegas, we’re most excited about Lucky Dragon!

googie The Cafe at Monte Carlo will close June 7 and the venue will be turned into a “meetings and event” space. This is just one of the changes coming to Monte Carlo, including a rebrand and overhaul of the hotel’s rooms. Read more.

Monte Carlo

Outside Monte Carlo. Your results may vary.

googie Speaking of Monte Carlo, longtime Monte Carlo magician Lance Burton is working on a feature film, “Billy Topit, Master Magician.” The tagline alone, “The mob wants to make him disappear, permanently!” should be worth the price of admission. Or, rather, the price of the DVD. Which, judging from the Fivrr poster design, this movie is going directly to.

Billy Topit

Lance Burton performed more than 5,000 shows in Vegas. He retired in 2010. Although, obviously, not completely.

googie A new show we will never attend, under any circumstances, has opened inside Light nightclub in Mandalay Bay. “For the Record: Baz,” a Baz Luhrmann-inspired cabaret show, is a collaboration between Cirque du Soleil and The Nation Jazz Hands Association, an organization which may or may not actually exist. Read more and let us know what you think if you see it.


“Baz” combines two of our favorite things, nightclubs and “immersive theatrical concert experiences.”

googie Slide the City, a Vegas-sized Slip ‘N Slide experience, has put Sin City on its schedule. The 1,000-foot-long slick vinyl slide is three football fields long and it making appearances in cities across the country this summer. Details are few, but it’s a flipping Slip’n Slide!

Slide the City

Typically in Vegas, slick vinyl costs extra. Photo courtesy of Slide the City.

googie Jennifer Lopez has announced a residency at Axis Theater at Planet Hollywood starting Jan. 20, 2016. Yes, the announcement is a little premature, but we’re pretty sure that’s not the first time Jennifer Lopez has evoked that reaction.

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez was once known for her singing and dancing, but after movies like “Maid in Manhattan” and “Monster-in-Law,” she’s now known for her singing and dancing.

googie The world’s largest Hooters restaurant will soon open at The Palms. It was slated to open in early May 2015, but we’re pretty sure that isn’t happening unless the Hooters organization is in possession of a time machine. Also of note: Simon restaurant at The Palms closed May 22. A new casual restaurant, Cafe 6, has taken its place.

Hooters Palms Vegas

Three words: World’s biggest hooters. Now, we get to sit back and see how many people find this blog through Google searches.

googie A popular New York restaurant, Carbone, will make its Vegas debut at Aria in October. Triple George Grill’s reign as best chicken parm in Las Vegas could be in jeopardy.


Carbone means “coal” in Italian, a fact which qualifies this photo caption the most useless one useless you’ll read today. At least until the next one.

googie In other restaurant news, Wolfgang Puck’s Postrio restaurant has closed at Venetian after 16 years. The closure involved a millionaire celebrity chef whining about how high his rent was.


The Venetian boasts its own Rialto Bridge, inspired by the one in Venice, Italy. The original was damaged by fire in a 1310 revolt. Told you that last photo caption wouldn’t be the most useless.

googie The “Crazy Girls” revue, formerly of Riviera Las Vegas, has re-opened at Planet Hollywood. The show happens in the Sin City Theatre each night at 9:00 p.m. Reps say the show’s famous bronze statue will be installed inside Planet Hollywood soon. Find the show on Facebook.

Crazy Girls

On May 1, the run of “Crazy Girls” at Riviera came to an end. The Riv closed May 4. Usually, photos of the statue feature butts. This blog does not live by society’s rules.

Just kidding.

Riviera Crazy Girls

The aforementioned “Crazy Girls” butts.

googie Frankie Scinta’s show closed at The D Las Vegas on May 20, 2015. The Scinta crew is a longtime fixture on the Las Vegas lounge scene, and are doing one-off shows around town.


Frankie Scinta illustrates the importance of properly maintaining PVC trap assemblies in residential home sinks.

googie “Duck Commander Musical,” the mutant offspring of A&E’s “Duck Dynasty,” closed at Rio Las Vegas on May 17, 2015, and not nearly soon enough from the sound of it. While well-produced, audiences didn’t migrate to the ill-conceived flop. Fun duck facts: A duck’s penis is shaped like a corkscrew and becomes erect within a third of a second.

Duck Commander Musical

Fun duck facts: A duck’s penis is shaped like a corkscrew and becomes erect within a third of a second.

That’s all the vital Vegas news we can think of in our current state of mind (specifically, hammered).

If you have Las Vegas news or tips, send them our way. Leave a comment on this blog, find us on Twitter or Facebook, or just swing downtown sometime. We’ll be the one promoting responsible gaming and drinking in moderation. Or whatever the opposite of that is.

Hooters Casino Hotel Sold to Company Nobody’s Ever Heard Of, Trinity Hotel Investors

Yet another Las Vegas hotel-casino is changing hands.

Riviera was recently sold to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority, and closed May 4, 2015. Tropicana is going to Penn National Gaming by the end of 2015.

Now, the entirely unremarkable Hooters Casino Hotel has been purchased by a company called Trinity Hotel Investors for $53.8 million.

The sale happened under the radar on May 1, 2015, a mere day after employees were informed of the purchase. Way to keep it classy, owner persons.


Hooters Casino Hotel has 696 rooms, exactly none of which you’d stay in unless you lost a bet.

We first saw word of the sale on the excellent Stiffs and Georges blog, and it was later confirmed by the Las Vegas Sun.

Compared to other recent sales, Hooters was had for a song. Riviera sold for $182.5 million. The Trop cost $360 million. Hooters was so inexpensive at $53.8 million, it’s believed Vegas mogul Steve Wynn has roughly that amount of cash in his pocket right this very minute.

The new owners of Hooters are expected to rebrand it. Rumors are Holiday Inn will take over operation of the resort, but not under that name.

Hooters Casino Hotel, previously the San Remo, has been a financial cluster for some time now. In fact, several times, it’s nearly gone bust. Because you know damn well we weren’t going to do an entire story about Hooters without a “bust” joke.


And Riviera is the one they’re going to blow up?

New ownership is a glimmer of hope for the only casino in Las Vegas known to have given this blog alcohol poisoning with its policy of swapping out a call liquor for some blasphemous, generic crap without informing us it was doing so. Asshats.

While for years we’ve been hoping Hooters would burn to the ground after a lightning strike, we’re cautiously optimistic a new owner could make something of the joint.

Hooters Las Vegas

Hooters opened as a Howard Johnson Hotel. Then is was the Paradise, the Polynesian Paradise and Treasure Hotel before becoming Hotel San Remo and eventually Hooters. Sign-makers love the place.

The stated “singular purpose” of Trinity Hotel Investors is “investing in and enhancing the value of hotel real estate.” They also tout their acumen at “identifying investment opportunities with strong risk-return profiles.”

So, yeah, we’re not holding our breath about the whole “making something of the joint.”

Genting Group Breaks Ground on $4 Billion, Asian-Themed Resorts World Las Vegas

Las Vegas-watchers have grown a little jaded in recent years, given a string of high-profile projects which have made grand promises but faltered or failed to materialize at all.

Now, another massive project has broken ground and all eyes are on Genting Group and its sprawling Resorts World Las Vegas. Genting broke ground on Resorts World on May 5, 2015.

Resorts World Las Vegas

The completed Resorts World Las Vegas will be 21,847,314 square feet, mainly because that square footage just has a nice ring to it.

Genting Group was founded in 1965 and operates resorts in Malaysia, Singapore, South Korea, the U.K, the Bahamas and the U.S. The company is also a major shareholder of Norwegian Cruise Line.

Let’s take a quick look the possible future of the Las Vegas Strip. It looks like Sin City’s ball is about to drop!

The Resorts World Las Vegas groundbreaking was accompanied by speakers speaking, politicians politicianing and Chinese lions lioning.

The groundbreaking hoopla was accompanied by renderings of Resorts World Las Vegas we haven’t seen before, including this one of the casino.

Resorts World Las Vegas

Happily, the Asian theme in the casino avoids being too on-the-nose or cheesy. For the win.

Resorts World will be built on the site of the former Stardust, this blog’s all-time favorite casino, and even the potential of a panda habitat (no, really) at Resorts World is unlikely to change that.

Resorts World Las Vegas

Because it’s Asian-themed! Look, we’re just spitballing here.

Resorts World is next to Circus Circus, but don’t hold that against it. Resorts World is being built on the site of the abandoned Echelon project.

Construction on Echelon was stopped in 2008 due to the economic downturn, not to mention a fair amount of what’s commonly called “bone-headedness.”

Resorts World Las Vegas

The current Resorts World Las Vegas site. In other words, the “before” shot.

If Resorts World becomes a reality (because, again, groundbreakings are the easy part), the expansive destination will feature 3,000 rooms in its first phase, as well as 3,500 table games and slots.

Here’s another view of the finished product.

Resorts World Las Vegas

Gorgeous pool area! Because if Las Vegas has too much of anything, it’s water.

The resort will also presumably boast an indoor water park, aquarium, outdoor amphitheater (lower right, above), Chinese gardens (below, possibly), a bowling alley, observation deck, a 4,000-seat theater and a Panda Express.

Just wanted to make sure you’re still paying attention.

Resorts World Las Vegas

Seriously, Genting, don’t screw around with us. Let’s make this happen, thanks.

Resorts World is slated to open in 2018.

Las Vegas mogul Steve Wynn described that 2018 opening timeline “ambitious.” Then again, what would Steve Wynn know about building Las Vegas resorts?

Find out more on the official Resorts World Las Vegas site.

In Las Vegas, This Kind of Massage Costs Extra

You can get just about anything in Las Vegas, and some of it is actually legal.

F massage sign

Oh, neon.

Random neon fail or a clever way to skirt prostitution laws in Las Vegas? (It’s illegal, by the way.) You decide.