Vital Vegas

Security Breach: Westin’s Jake and Eli Restaurant and Bar

This is probably the last post we’ll ever do about Westin Las Vegas.

That’s because the hotel closed its casino this summer, and if your hotel doesn’t have a casino, why does it have to even be in Las Vegas? Be in Cleveland, all due respect.

The Westin still has sign outside touting its Max Casino, so we stopped by to make sure it’s gone. It’s gone.

What the Westin does have is a sign for a new bar in the works, Jake & Eli.

Nothing makes us thirstier than a made-up story about a historical event that never took place.

The blurb on the sign says something we can’t believe we’re taking the time to type: “Two guys meeting to toast a great day and gorge on the best sirloin in town, arguing over who’s [sic] bourbon is better. The name Jake and Eli is based on the historic tales of two different men who are credited with being the first to create the concept that we now know and love as American Bourbon. This is an authentic American story that gives a vintage elegance like a worn club chair, and combines the mood with the savory smells and tastes of grilling meat and hearty laughter.”

As far as we can tell, the “Eli” in the name is Elijah Craig, sometimes (almost certainly erroneously) credited with the invention of bourbon. The “Jake” seems to refer to Jacob Beam, one of the forebears of Jim Beam.

Whatever, it’s all a tremendous load of manure, reminiscent of Downtown Grand’s misguided attempt to fabricate an “authentic” historical basis for the name of its original restaurant, Stewart & Ogden.

To help is get through the agonizing amount of marketing bullshittery, we did a security breach of the new restaurant.

It’s no fun doing a security breach when there’s so little security. Again, no casino.

The Westin seems to cater mainly to businesspersons, so if you’re one of those, feel free to get excited about Jake & Eli.

Fun fact: Originally, the Westin was called the Maxim. It was in front of the Maxim that rapper Tupac Shakur was shot. The crime remains “unsolved” despite the fact every damn fool knows who did it.

Hey, not all fun facts are equally fun. Just go with it.