When you arrive in Las Vegas, notice how the town always seems happy to see you? There’s a reason for that!
Sin City is pulsing with phallic objects, and we’ve collected eight of the most memorable here.
1. Eiffel Tower at Paris Las Vegas
The Eiffel Tower replica at Paris Las Vegas was erected in 1999.
The Eiffel Tower at Paris is 541 feet tall. Although it might be exaggerating to impress its friends.
2. New York-New York’s Chrysler Building
The Chrysler Building at New York-New York Las Vegas is 40 stories tall and bulging with wonderful memories for New Yorkers.
You’d have to be a jerk not to see the resemblance.
3. The Stratosphere
Not only does The Stratosphere provide an incredible view, it’s got a staff that’s hard to beat.
The Stratosphere tower rises to 1,149 feet, but tends to shrink slightly in cold weather.
4. The Linq’s Digital Marquee
The digital marquee at The Linq, a new shopping and entertainment district, is long, thin and exploding with excitement.
The Linq hopes to deeply penetrate the shopping market on the Las Vegas Strip.
5. Luxor Obelisk
You’d be hard-pressed to find another landmark on the south Strip as blush-inducing as this obelisk at Luxor Las Vegas.
We always get so pumped when we this this obelisk!
6. Venetian Bell Tower
When the Venetian’s replica of the Piazza San Marco’s bell tower went up in 1999, it was a seminal moment in Las Vegas history.
If you don’t think this is satisfying, you’re nuts.
7. Bellagio’s Rock Crystal Obelisk
While the displays at the Bellagio’s Conservatory & Botanical Gardens change with the seasons, this 18-foot-tall, two ton obelisk is a constant source of joy and luck for everyone, even working stiffs.
You can view this sculpture whether you’re in the casino’s player’s club or not. That’s right, no need to be a member.
8. Mastro’s Ocean Club at Crystals
We’re engorged with pride to share the granddaddy of all the phallic objects in Las Vegas, Mastro’s Ocean Club restaurant at Crystals mall inside CityCenter. Our recommendation: Try the bone-in ribeye.
Mastro’s Ocean Club always appreciates its customers’ business and hopes they’ll come again!
Bonus phallic object in Las Vegas: “Hoto” at the Shops at Crystals.
How does this sculpture not vibrate?
Have we missed anything?
Hopefully, this list hasn’t rubbed you the wrong way, or left you feeling shafted, and we’re open to any other suggestions you’d care to thrust at us.
The fountains of Bellagio maybe? The melty ice statues at Crystals?
I do have a question and it’s an important one, which is: Since when did penises come with pointy ends? Have my sexual experiences been that atypical or am I doing it wrong? 😉