Vital Vegas

Caution: Grand Bazaar Shops at Bally’s Las Vegas May Cause Retinal Damage or Worse

It’s the Las Vegas project everyone knows is in the works, but which hasn’t been officially announced. Get ready for the Grand Bazaar Shops Las Vegas, a planned “outdoor shopping mecca” with renderings so hideous, simply viewing them may cause violent spasms, nausea and unplanned pregnancy.

Maybe it’s time to look up the definition of “mecca.”

The Grand Bazaar Shops project at Bally’s is one of those endeavors that relies heavily on filling up the space with vendors (the goal is 150) to make it viable. That’s clearly taking longer than the folks behind the project expected, and it may never come to pass at all, a scenario for which your eyes would be forever grateful.

“Honey, please scrape my eyes out of their sockets, thanks.” ~Every guest at Bellagio, across the street.

You can check out the official Web site of the as-yet-unannounced Grand Bazaar Shops, featuring words like “immersive” and “iconic,” if you dare.

One bright spot: “Special attractions include a giant Crystal Starburst that creates a celebratory New Year’s Eve experience every midnight.” You’re welcome for your recommended daily allowance of WTF.