Let’s just say it right up front. If you’re visiting Las Vegas, you’re going to have sex. It’s part of the deal. Whether it’s with a loved one, a stranger or an inflatable, it’s happening.
Surprisingly, many visitors completely ignore a room’s sexual environment when choosing a Las Vegas hotel. This can lead to disappointment, unfulfilled expectations and the occasional herniated disc.
Settle down, we’re just getting started.
Here, then, are 11 important factors to ensure your Las Vegas hotel room is conducive to bopping squiddles, a phrase we didn’t entirely know existed until 14 seconds ago, or the approximate duration of sex with this Las Vegas blog. Moving on.
1. Wall Thickness
Let’s dive right into the realness. Certain Las Vegas hotels, especially older hotels, have thinner walls and therefore provide less sound insulation. The prospect of other guests hearing your exploits can intrude upon your self-expression, so ask around and read online reviews to determine which hotel is a good fit. So to speak.
2. Outdoor Opportunities
Visiting Las Vegas is an opportunity to get wild, and that includes the potential for sex outdoors. The optimal situation is to find a hotel with a balcony. The most popular hotel for balcony sex is the Cosmopolitan, known for the gorgeous views from its wraparound Terrace Suites. If your hotel doesn’t have balconies, look for secluded areas like courtyards. As a last resort, find a unisex bathroom. It’s not outdoors, per se, but it’ll do in a pinch. (Note: Sex outdoors isn’t without its potential pitfalls, so know before you go.)
The view from a Cosmo balcony is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs, ever.
3. Porn Availability
The adult entertainment served up via in-house television varies widely between Las Vegas hotels. When you’re booking a room, ask lots of questions about the quality and cost of the porn available in your room. Lots of couples consider viewing porn an essential part of their experience, so don’t make assumptions about what’s available.
4. Mirror Types and Placement
Thankfully, Las Vegas hotels know full well what’s going to happen in their rooms, and many have designed them accordingly. You’ll often find mirrors above beds (a feature for which SLS Las Vegas is known, see below), and mirrored closet doors are very common. Check out photos on review sites to determine which rooms will satisfy your needs, if you get our drift.
Let’s just say that mirror over the bed isn’t there so you can check your comb-over.
5. Shower or Tub
The bed in your hotel room is just the beginning when it comes to monkey business in Las Vegas. Making sweet love in the shower is likely to be on the agenda, so make sure your shower can accommodate two. (And why stop there? It’s Las Vegas!) If baths are more your thing, don’t assume your room will have a tub. Oh, and room reservation pros are never shocked when someone asks if their shower has a detachable shower head, so ask away.
When it comes to Las Vegas hotel bathrooms, you never know what you’re going to get, so plan ahead.
6. It’s All About the Bed
Finding a hotel room with a sex-friendly bed is an absolute necessity in Las Vegas. Lots of things about your bed can make a great time greater, so leave nothing to chance. Be sure the room’s bed height suits your favorite positions, and pay attention to the quality, texture and strength of the bed base. (Your knees will thank you.) Remember, what makes a mattress great for sleeping doesn’t necessarily overlap with what makes it great for plonking. Consider things like comfort, but also edge support, firmness, responsiveness and bounce.
7. Proximity of Outlets to the Bed
Here’s a Las Vegas secret nobody seems to talk about. In Sin City, everybody uses toys. Hotel housekeeping departments, in fact, keep large bins to collect abandoned sex toys. No, really. While some sexual aids are battery-powered, others require a power outlet, so it’s critical there are outlets near the bed. As far as we know, the new Lucky Dragon wins for sheer number of outlets above and next to its beds.
We counted no fewer than 17 power outlets in our Lucky Dragon room. You should be all set.
8. Sink Height
Sometimes after a dalliance, there’s no time to shower, so you’ll want to freshen up in the sink. Too often, hotel room sinks are too high to provide easy access. Low sinks can serve a dual purpose, too, as they provide an additional surface upon which to slap the sloppies.
You laugh, but sink height is definitely a thing.
9. Furniture Variety
In Vegas, it’s fun to get creative, and exploring your hotel room’s furniture can provide some wonderful variety to your exploits. Beyond couches and chairs, ask about ottomans, office chairs, coffee tables, benches and night stands. Remember, too, you’re not the first, or last, to do the tube snake boogie on that chaise lounge, so use a towel.
Variety is the spice of life, and this Sky Villa at Tropicana is rich with spice. Or variety. Either way, pace yourself.
10. Mood Lighting
Las Vegas hotel rooms and Life have a lot in common. Namely, it’s all about the lighting. The quantity of light fixtures and quality of light can make or break your encounter. Dimmer switches are essential to finding the right balance of appealing visuals while creating a little mystery (and concealing our imperfections). The higher the ceiling, the better, as the light is more diffused and flattering. The closer the light, the harsher it is. Fluorescent lights are always a bad idea.
11. Discretion Counts
What happens on the way to your Las Vegas hotel room can be as important as what happens once you get there. If your companion is, say, an escort, you could run the risk of what we’ll call “legal entanglements.” Some hotels turn a blind eye to guests bringing prostitutes to their room (despite the fact prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas), but others have security forces instructed to report such activity immediately. So, ask around to find out a hotel’s reputation for discretion, as it can help avoid your Vegas vacation from turning into an episode of “Cops.”
It’s not a buzzkill, it’s a gentle reminder. Because in prison, they have a lot of florescent lighting.
These tips should provide a solid foundation for choosing a Las Vegas hotel room best suited for sex.
If this list has aroused your curiosity about sex in Las Vegas, check out our enlightening Las Vegas sex survey.
Do you get the feeling we wrote this entire blog post as an excuse to share this photo of Valeria? Always bet your hunches.
Be smart, be safe and remember, what the hell have safe and smart ever done for you? You’re in Vegas, baby!