Monthly Archives: December 2015

Happy New Year From Las Vegas

Here’s to a year of blackjacks and parlays and hand pays and new friends and liver damage and kicking it all off with a bang.

New Year's fireworks

It’s a metaphor for having orgasms. Please try and keep up.

Happy New Year from Las Vegas, and thank you for being a part of the Las Vegas conversation, for your questions, insights, comments, likes, shares, retweets and repins.

Las Vegas fireworks

Of course we Photoshopped this. Please promise to be less gullible in 2016.

Thank you for being one of this humble Las Vegas blog’s 3.4 million site views. OK, maybe we’re not all that humble, but just go with it.

Finally, thank you, from the bottom of our heart, for making 2015 our most recent year, ever.

20 Vital Las Vegas Predictions for 2016

Last year around this time, we boldly predicted that toward the end of 2015, we’d compile a list of predictions for 2016. Our prediction came true!

It’s time to whip out our engorged predictive abilities and aim them at the year to come. The highs. The lows. The WTFs. Here’s what to expect in 2016, based upon intuition, rumors and speculation, insider knowledge and more than a little fabricating things out of whole cloth. So, you know, just like the rest of the year.

1. Cosmopolitan Las Vegas Will Have Its First Profitable Year

No, really. This will be the year of Cosmo, and the hotel, which hasn’t had a profitable year since it opened in 2010, will have its first in 2016. A renewed focus on gamblers helped the hotel-casino turn a profit in two consecutive quarters in 2015, and the trend will continue.

Cosmopolitan high limit slots

Cosmo recently opened a new high limit slot lounge. Slots and lounges are two of this Las Vegas blog’s favorite things.

2. Las Vegas Will Have an NHL Franchise

The time for a professional sports franchise in Las Vegas has finally come. It’s expected a long-awaited announcement about an NHL expansion team could come in January 2016 at the NHL All-Star Game in Nashville. The new NHL team (possibly called the Black Knights) will take part in the 2017-2018 season, which means next year our 2017 predictions will include something along the lines of, “Tickets for the Las Vegas hockey team will fail to meet expectations.” Predicting is fun, isn’t it?

Las Vegas Black Knights

Ice hockey in the desert. What could possibly go wrong?

3. Alon Will Sputter

There are some indications an announced resort, Alon (pronounced AY-lawn), may not actually get off the ground as hoped. Alon has recruited some serious talent, and there are signs of activity at the Alon site, but the hotel-casino is relying on Chinese financing, and that source of funding has been in serious decline recently. Thanks a lot, Chinese corruption crackdown! In 2016, it’s possible reality will set in, and Alon could very well end up being scrapped before it even gets going. Also in trouble in 2016: Lucky Dragon. Lucky Dragon is another project dependent upon Chinese investment (EB-5 visa program financing, to be specific) for its completion, but we’re thinking this boutique hotel will be able to scrape together the needed funds and we predict it will open as planned in 2016, although delays are a distinct possibility.

Alon Las Vegas

“Alon” means “oak tree” in Hebrew. In English, it means “a made-up word for which the domain name was available.”

4. Downtown Grand Will Be Sold

Despite denials by the hotel’s management, the floundering Downtown Grand was discreetly put on the market in August 2015. To stop the bleeding, the hotel will be sold in 2016, for much less than its optimistic asking price—a price slightly more than half of what was sunk into transforming Lady Luck into the solid, but somewhat lost, resort it is today.

5. Taxi Ridership Will Plummet

The effects of Lyft and Uber operating in Las Vegas are already being felt, and the trend will continue in a big way in 2016. In November 2015, there were 115,774 fewer tax rides than in November 2014. That’s a small number given there were 2.1 million rides, but expect the carnage to continue. Lyft and Uber are getting rave reviews, and taxi companies are getting a wake-up call. That’s a win for Las Vegas visitors, and about time.

Vegas taxi

Like we could afford to pay for cab toppers. Don’t believe everything you see on the Internet.

6. Mirage Will Get New Management

So, the rumors about Mirage being sold in 2015 were dead wrong. But something’s happening at Mirage, and our prediction is the hotel will be taken over by a new management company in 2016. MGM Resorts has been moving its marketing and high rollers out of the hotel for some time, leading us to believe it may relinquish management, although to whom we have no clue. MGM Resorts is putting the Mirage into what’s called a REIT (real estate investment trust), which leaves open the possibility someone else could manage the resort while MGM Resorts still owns the land and building. In a recent interview, Treasure Island owner Phil Ruffin spoke about attempting to purchase Mirage, saying “They turned it down and decided to go with this REIT. We don’t have any interest in The Mirage now because we don’t pay rent.” Somebody else will, though, in 2016. The change in management at Mirage will mean everything Cirque du Soleil will be out (the Revolution Lounge has already closed), and the hotel’s dolphin habitat will finally, mercifully, be closed.

7. Las Vegas Review-Journal Scandal Will Break the Internet

Bajillionaire Sheldon Adelson recently purchased the Las Vegas Review-Journal and all hell broke loose. Further hell is guaranteed to break in 2016 as the Presidential campaign heats up and Mr. Adelson exerts more control over the paper’s editorial direction. Reporters will quit or be forced out, and the Review-Journal will be in the national spotlight for questions surrounding ethics and the influence of money on journalism. There’s no avoiding this crisis, because even if Adelson comes to realize the Review-Journal isn’t worth all the headaches, nobody else is going to pony up anywhere near the $140 million he paid to buy it, so this tangled web is only going to get more tangled.

8. Rock in Rio USA Music Festival Will Be Canceled for 2017

In 2016, we’re going to hear a final decision about whether the financially disastrous Rock in Rio USA music festival will return. It won’t. The initial outing of the festival lost $28 million (as we reported first), but that’s not the reason it won’t be back. It’s the cultural barrier. Rock in Rio USA’s principals burned a lot of bridges, and the stories of behind-the-scenes drama are almost too fantastic to believe. (Rock in Rio reps brought voodoo dolls to meetings. They weren’t being ironic.) Realistically, it’s a coin toss at this point, but we’re going for “not happening,” just to diverge from everyone else in town who’s saying it’ll be back.

Rock in Rio USA

Rock in Rio’s EDM stage still sort of gives us the creeps.

9. We’ll Lose Some Vegas Personalities

This is going to be awkward, but we’re going to lose some folks in 2016, sad as that prospect may be. We’re predicting the loss of Marty Allen, The Amazing Johnathan and Jerry Lewis, although, of course, we’d rather that not happen. We’ll also lose Roy Horn (of Siegfried & Roy), Celine’s husband, Rene Angelil, and magic consultant to the stars, Johnny Thompson. We also don’t have a great feeling about Rich Little, Sheldon Adelson or Wayne Newton, but here’s hoping everyone makes it and proves these predictions wrong. Oh, but on the bright side, 2016 will also mark the death of Lance Burton’s filmmaking career, so at least there’s that to look forward to. Told you it would be awkward.

Update: Rene Angelil passed away January 14, 2016.

10. Las Vegas Club Plans Will Surpass All Expectations

Casino magnate Derek Stevens has big plans for the now-closed Las Vegas Club, and 2016 is the year his vision will be articulated and communicated. This blog’s day job is as a marketer for Fremont Street Experience, so we’re a tad biased (Derek Stevens owns The D Las Vegas and Golden Gate, members of the Fremont Street Experience consortium), but whether or not you’re a fan of Stevens and the energy he’s brought to downtown, you’ll have to concede he is The Pharmacy Slayer, and that alone makes him a Las Vegas hero in our book. Here’s a bold prediction: The casino at the former Las Vegas Club will open in 2016. Just ignore the fact it’s likely to be for a day or two to satisfy gaming licensing requirements, open is open. We can’t wait to hear what’s next for the Las Vegas club, especially if it involves the timeless art of go-go.

Update (12/31/15): Derek Stevens says he’ll have an announcement mid-January.

11. Las Vegas Arena Parking Issues Will Blow Up Hard

As great an addition to The Strip as the new Las Vegas Arena will be, the issues of traffic and parking have yet to be satisfactorily addressed. The problem will hit critical mass once people see the world-class flustercuck resulting from tens of thousands of people pouring into the streets and existing parking garages around the arena. Arena officials will be forced to concede defeat, and a parking structure devoted to the arena will be built, probably opening in 2017. Oh, and while we’re in the neighborhood, 2016 is the year when we’ll know the new name of the arena’s neighbor, Monte Carlo.

Update (1/16/16): On Jan. 16, 2016, MGM Resorts announced it will build a new parking structure due to public outcry. The company also announced it will begin charging for parking at its Las Vegas resorts.

Las Vegas Arena

All that glitters is not gold, whatever that might actually mean.

12. Life is Beautiful Will Be Back and Louder Than Ever

There’s been a lot of speculation the Life is Beautiful music festival won’t be back because it’s taking longer than expected for the festival to become profitable. Also, the neighbors don’t love the noise. Screw them. Life is Beautiful will be back. Oh, and Duran Duran will be back to play at the 2016 Life is Beautiful, because sometimes if you repeat something often enough, it’ll happen. Like how in 2016 we’re going to win Megabucks. We’re going to win Megabucks. We’re going to win Megabucks.

Update (2/2/16): Life is Beautiful announced it will, in fact, be back. Dates: Sep. 23-25, 2016.

13. Chick-fil-A Will Open Earlier Than Expected

The long-awaited first Chick-fil-A in Las Vegas is expected to open at the end of 2016 or early 2017. Oh, hell no. We’re not waiting that long. We predict Chick-fil-A will open months earlier than anticipated, in mid-2016, and people are going to freak. The pent-up demand for the deliciousness of Chick-fil-A is going to be so great, we’re predicting the Las Vegas location will be the first in the restaurant’s history to remain open on Sundays.

Chick-fil-A cows

For all the folks who still think Chick-fil-A still serves up hate sauce. Read more.

14. Riviera Will Be Imploded With the Hoopla It Deserves

When the closed Riviera goes out in 2016, it’ll go out in true Las Vegas fashion. It’s been awhile since Las Vegas had a proper demolition of a Strip hotel (no, the Harmon’s floor-by-floor dismantling doesn’t qualify). The beloved but neglected Riviera will be blown up and real good, accompanied by a spectacle worthy of its history.

15. Grand Bazaar Shops at Bally’s Will Tap Out

The Grand Bazaar Shops outside Bally’s has been limping along since it opened, and 2016 is the year the flea market’s operators will admit defeat and call the whole thing off. Thankfully, the Grand Bazaar Shops should take no more than 20 minutes to dismantle. Bally’s will keep the Starbucks. Because, after all, it’s the only Starbucks we know of that serves hooch.

Grand Bazaar Shops

Ugly is as ugly does. Or something.

16. Mayweather and Pacquiao Will Have a Rematch

Ego and money have an interesting way of making the impossible happen. The 2015 fight between Floyd “I’m Sort of a Douche” Mayweather and Manny “Boo, Hoo, My Shoulder Hurts” Pacquiao was a monster payday not only for the fighters, but also Las Vegas. While many believe Mayweather is retired (his perfect 49-0 record tied him with Rocky Marciano), others think the potential of another massive windfall (Mayweather alone made $250 million from the last fight) could bring the pair back to the ring. We’re predicting a rematch will happen in 2016, in Las Vegas, and following Mayweather’s win, he will purchase Scotland.

17. Casinos Will Take a Hit for Swapping Out Liquor Brands

Mark our words, 2016 is the year the casino liquor swap scam will finally come to an end. We’ve been railing against this practice for some time, but here’s how it works: If you’re playing in a Las Vegas casino, you’re typically comped cocktails during your play. If you order a Captain Morgan and diet (this is known as a “call” drink, as opposed to a “well” drink), you won’t be given a Captain Morgan, but rather a generic spiced rum. Swap. Scam. This happens with any number of premium liquors, and customers are often not informed the liquor is being swapped. This practice saves casinos a lot of money, but it also compromises the health and trust of customers. It may also be against the law. In 2016, the government agencies responsible for protecting us will intercede and fine casinos guilty of this practice. Casinos will then stop pretending to serve premium liquor, and we’ll pay for it, which is fine. Casinos are legally and morally obligated to tell us what we’re drinking, even if the drinks are free.

18. Resort Fees Will Be Legislated Away

Everybody hates resort fees, and the big secret in Las Vegas is even the resorts themselves hate resort fees. The fact is, they only charge resort fees because they have to. Hotels charge resort fees to make their rates look cheaper than the competition, mainly because so many rooms are booked through online travel agencies (OTAs) like Expedia, Orbitz, Kayak and Any hotel that doesn’t charge resort fees gets clobbered in OTA search results. In 2016, the federal government, OTAs and the resorts are going to get their act together and include resort fees in the room rate.

Update (1/10/16): On Jan. 10, 2016, Federal Trade Commission Chairwoman Edith Ramirez called for new legislation to address resort fees as “a deceptive and unfair trade practice.” Read more.

Resort fees

Ah, the circularity of the universe.

19. Multiple Strip Shows Will Close

Change is a constant in Las Vegas, and several shows will close in 2016. The first ones that come to mind are the new “X Country” at Harrah’s, “50 Shades, The Parody” at Bally’s, “Sexxy” at Westgate, animal abuse-based comedy show “Piff the Magic Dragon” at Flamingo, yawn-based “Murray Celebrity Magician” at Planet Hollywood and magician Mat Franco’s show at Linq Hotel. We’ll even go out on a limb and predict Steve Wynn’s “Showstoppers” will shutter in 2016, more because of production costs than anything else. Oh, and if anything opens at Tropicana, that will close, too. Just saying.

Update (12/29/15): Our bud John Katsilometes reports the “Murray Celebrity Magician” show closes Jan. 4, 2016. Ignore our predictions at your peril!

20. All Las Vegas Casinos Will Have 6-to-5 Blackjack

Many Las Vegas casinos now offer 6-to-5 blackjack, but 2016 is the year we can say goodbye to 3-to-2 once and for all. Talk to any blackjack player, and they’ll whine about this trend ad nauseam. But here’s why they should keep their nauseam to themselves. Casinos can’t make money with 3-to-2 blackjack, plain and simple. We’ll probably write a more in-depth story about this at some point, but our forearms are going numb from all the predicting, so we’ll cut to the chase. In a 3-to-2 game, playing perfect basic strategy, the house edge is about .5 percent. That means if you play perfectly, 60 hands an hour at a $5 table ($300 in play), the casino can expect to rake in a whopping $1.50. An hour. In America. At a 6-to-5 blackjack table, the house edge goes up to 2% and the house is expected to make $6 from that $300 in wagers. Per hour. If you
take into account the cost of comped drinks alone (even with crappy generic liquor), it’s sort of a break-even proposition for the casinos. This is why it’s so hard to find $5 blackjack in Las Vegas, and it’s why we really need to stop with the whining in 2016. Somebody had to say it.

Las Vegas blackjack

Casinos aren’t non-profits. You’ll live.

Bonus Prediction: SLS Las Vegas Will be De-Nazarianed

Previous SLS Las Vegas stakeholders SBE and CEO Sam Nazarian are officially out, and that means 2016 will be the year SLS gets “De-Nazarianed.” Many aspects of SLS were influenced by Sam Nazarian’s relationships and his SBE brand, including the hotel’s monkeys, it’s Fred Segal shops and restaurant brands. Well, 2015 saw all the Fred Segal shops close, replaced with internally-managed retail stores. In 2016, we’ll see a concerted effort to lose more of the brands and images associated with Nazarian and SBE. Most significantly, Umami Burger and Ku Noodle will close (to be replaced with more value-oriented fare, think Palms food court). Nazarian’s buy-out deal included an agreement to keep SBE brands going at SLS, but why pay licensing for unremarkable brands when you can keep all the profits by staying in-house? Thankfully, Cleo and Bazaar Meat are safe for the moment, but that could change, too. In 2016, SLS Las Vegas will begin to find its own identity (or at least partner with others who have their own identity). How far with the “De-Nazarianing” go? We predict the hotel may even go so far as to remove the quirky Sam Nazarian-inspired sculpture out front. Just you wait.

SLS casino chip

Get your photo op while you still can. The giant Sam statue may not make it through 2016.

Those are our top 20 Las Vegas predictions for 2016, and we’d love to hear your thoughts, either confirming our extraordinary soothsaying skills or perhaps floating your own 2016 predictions.

Whether these predictions come true in 2016 or not, it’s sure to be another breathtaking, immersive, game-changing year in Las Vegas. It’s the law.

Las Vegas Arena Will Have Its Very Own Hyde Lounge

The new Las Vegas Arena will have its very own Hyde Lounge, which you would’ve known already if you took the time to read blog headlines.

Hyde Lounge Las Vegas Arena

Hyde Lounge will be so cutting edge, it will provide guests with complimentary shadows upon request.

Hyde Lounge at the Las Vegas Arena (likely to be called the T-Mobile Arena by the time it opens), will be operated by SBE, the L.A.-based lifestyle company that currently runs the successful Hyde Bellagio.

SBE is also the company that was involved in the opening of the struggling SLS Las Vegas. SBE sold its stake in SLS Las Vegas after the company realized the whole “if you build it, they will come” is more of a movie thing than a business plan. The news release about Hyde Lounge sort of forgot to mention all that. Oopsie.

Hyde Las Vegas Arena

The surname “Hyde” originated in 7th century England. A “hide of land” was 60-100 acres, the amount of land needed to support one extended family. Yes, you just learned history from a Las Vegas blog. You’ll live.

Anyway, SBE does seem to know a thing or two about lounges and nightclubs. The company already operates a Hyde Lounge at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, as well as another at American Airlines Arena in Miami.

We’re going to include a quote from SBE CEO Sam Nazarian here, mainly because we find quotes in news release hysterical. Nazarian said, “We are extremely proud to partner with the Las Vegas Arena team on this dynamic and forward-thinking development that will transform the Las Vegas landscape. Hyde provides an unrivaled nightlife scene that will leave a footprint as we enhance the brand with this large-scale viewing and event driven destination.”

Las Vegas public relations, leading the world in using lots of words to say absolutely nothing.™

Hyde Lounge Las Vegas Arena

One of the bottle service packages at Hyde Bellagio costs $250,000. So, there’s that.

Jibberish aside, a sweet aspect of the Hyde Lounge in the Las Vegas Arena is its incredible location.

The 18,000-square-foot lounge will be located near the top of the arena, with two platforms extending out over the action. During our tour, these platforms provided stunning views and the arena isn’t even complete yet.

Las Vegas Arena

Anticipate approximately 220,000 selfies taken at this part of Hyde Lounge in the arena’s first year of operation alone.

Expect the usual Las Vegas club amenities at the new Hyde Lounge, including bottle service, couches, DJs and guests who are way, way out of your league.

The new, 20,000-seat Las Vegas arena is situated behind New York-New York, just off the Las Vegas Strip. The arena is expected to host about 100 events each year.

The new Hyde Lounge, and the $375 million Las Vegas Arena, will open in April 2016. Where should you park? Look, news releases don’t have all the answers. Just wing it.

Cosmopolitan Las Vegas Debuts Clique Bar & Lounge and High Limit Slot Lounge

Cosmopolitan Las Vegas has unveiled its newest offering, Clique Bar & Lounge, replacing its beloved (but unprofitable) Book & Stage.

We can confirm that this much-anticipated lounge is, in fact, a lounge.

Clique Bar & Lounge Cosmopolitan

“Clique. In any other city, it would knock your socks off. Here, it’s still pretty nice.”

Clique is a partnership between Cosmo and “hospitality impressario” Andy Masi.

“Impressario,” it turns out, is a fancy way of saying “manager.” It’s like saying “Voila!” rather than “There you go.”

Actually, Masi is a pretty big deal in the world of Las Vegas nightlife, and was formerly the CEO of The Light Group. Read more. Or just keep looking at our pictures. Because you’re awesome like that.

The official Web page of Clique describes it as “hip and swanky.” Sorry, “ultra hip.” Because who the hell wants to waste their time at a lounge that’s merely hip?

Clique Cosmopolitan

Yes, they’re asking us to capitalize the “q” in Clique. Request denied.

Clique is expected to have entertainment in the form of “musical stylings.” Look, we don’t make this up! Read the official Clique Web page.

It appears Clique was designed with austerity in mind. Remember, only recently did the Cosmopolitan report a profitable quarter, the first time since it opened in 2010.

Clique Bar & Lounge

“Look, we have three bars inside a giant chandelier at Cosmopolitan, so keep your underwhelm to yourself.”

Anyway, Clique Bar & Lounge officially opens Dec. 29, 2015. The real hoopla is expected to begin on New Year’s Eve.

A nice element of Clique will be that food will be served, specifically shareable plates. The menu is expected to include tacos, sliders, salads and other dishes from chef Brian Massie. That’s right, Brian Massie and Andy Masi. Homonyms for the win.

Clique lounge Cosmo

Clique is located in the center of the casino, next to the best-named casino shop in the history of shops, Vitals.

Chef Brian Massie has had a hand in a number of MGM Resorts restaurants, including Aureole at Mandalay Bay, Yellowtail and Fix at Bellagio, Stack at Mirage and Brand Steakhouse at Monte Carlo, among others.

Clique Las Vegas

During our visit, staffers were having a meeting, so we got to see the waitress uniforms. On fleek, as the kids say. We have no idea what the kids mean, but we’re pretty sure it’s a good thing.

A few feet away from Clique, the Cosmo has also opened a new high limit slot lounge, with 65 machines.

Unfortunately, no photos are allowed in the high limit lounge, so we are unable to share the one below, sorry.

Cosmopolitan high limit slots

This Las Vegas blog loves it some high limit slots. From 3-5 minutes, typically.

Here’s an exclusive look at Clique and the new high limit lounge, complete with royalty-free musical accompaniment.

The Cosmo is touting its “exclusive Fastpay technology” in its new high limit lounge, which allows players to “process jackpots right at the machine, without attendant assistance.” This system is likely to catch on, as it is touted as improving the experience by “freeing up more time for play.”

Cosmopolitan is getting serious about this whole “becoming profitable” thing.

Cosmo high limit

We’re liking this new carpeting. Unlike lots of casino carpeting, it doesn’t make us want to claw our eyes out with a players club card.

The new high limit lounge has a dedicated cage, TVs and private restrooms so high rollers don’t have to mingle with the commoners. Here’s more.

Cosmopolitan high limit room

Total security breach. Thanks for not sending us to photographer jail, Cosmo. We’re too pretty to go to jail.

Cosmopolitan still has a high limit salon for table games, and all the machines have been relocated to the new high limit lounge. The minimum bet at a blackjack table in the high limit salon? A hundred bucks. Hey, go big or go home.

Cosmopolitan high limit lounge

No, these decorative elements do not spin. Not that anyone would try to make them do that. Probably.

Just one more look at the things that don’t spin, but should.

Cosmopolitan high limit slots

High limit slots pay out more often than regular slots, and when they hit, they tend to hit big. In the words of our bankruptcy attorney, “What’s not to love?”

The new Clique Bar & Lounge at Cosmopolitan Las Vegas should be a good fit in the hotel’s mix of popular bars, and we look forward to trying some of the bar’s “artisanal cocktails,” assuming pouring Captain Morgan and diet Coke into a glass could be considered “artisanal.”

Let us know what you think of Clique and its adjacent high limit slot lounge, and keep the newness coming, Cosmo!

Today’s Fairly Disturbing Las Vegas Thing: Kids Quest

There’s a lot to love about Las Vegas, but we’re not entirely sure how to feel about Kids Quest.

Kids Quest is a service that provides hourly childcare in “family-friendly casinos.” So, basically, Kids Quest makes it easy for parents to drop off their kids in order to gamble.

Relax, that queasy feeling in your stomach is completely normal.

Kids Quest is available at a number of Las Vegas casinos, typically at casinos catering to locals. If you’re the kid-dropper-offer type, you can find Kids Quest centers at Boulder Station, Santa Fe Station, Red Rock Casino, Sunset Station, Texas Station and Green Valley Ranch. Here’s the official site.

Kids Quest

Pesky parental responsibilities keeping you from your favorite casino table game? We’ve got this!

While we’ve always had mixed feelings about Kids Quest, we only recently learned these childcare facilities accept infants as young as six weeks old. Which is sort of our personal tipping point between “mixed feelings” and “WTF?”

If you’re dropping off a six-week-old baby in a casino so you can get in a few hours of quality Wheel of Fortune time, you may want to take a good, long look at your life choices.

Kids Quest centers are open seven days a week, 365 days a year to ensure you’ll be able to neglect your children whenever the urge may strike.

Once they get older, of course, casinos also have arcades to keep the kids busy and program them to be problem gamblers just like mommy and daddy. Not that we’re judging.

Wheel of Fortune arcade game

We are not making this up.

What do you think about Kids Quest? We’d love to hear your thoughts, especially if you agree with us.

Cirque du Soleil’s “Zarkana” to Close at Aria Las Vegas

Aria Resort has announced its Cirque du Soleil show, “Zarkana,” will close on April 30, 2016.


Fun fact: “Zarkana” has approximately 1,100 percent more WTF than other Las Vegas shows.

“Zarkana” is the second Cirque show to close at Aria Las Vegas due to deep and abiding amounts of suck, the first being “Viva Elvis” which closed August 31, 2012, after a two-year run.

News of the “Zarkana” closing was discreetly inserted at the end of an announcement about a $154 million expansion of Aria’s convention space, after lots and lots of words.



“Zarkana” is presumably closing because the convention space will take the place of the Aria’s theater.

If you think “Zarkana” is closing because of a convention space expansion, you have never seen “Zarkana.”

“Zarkana” is this blog’s least favorite of all the Cirque shows in Las Vegas, a baffling mash-up of the weirdest parts of every other Cirque show, plus characters with some sort of debilitating dermatological infection.


“Zarkana” is a combination of “bizarre” and “arcana” (mysteries). The biggest mystery is how this befuddling fustercluck of a show managed to remain open so long.

Hints of trouble at “Zarkana” were confirmed in December 2013 when the show closed for a “refresh.”

Prior to the “refresh,” a key element of “Zarkana,” the “Wheel of Death,” was removed from the show. If you’ve seen “Zarkana,” you’ll no doubt agree this wasn’t a case of a performer accidentally falling from the Wheel of Death, but rather a desperate attempt to avoid having to watch the show again.

Lovers of the typically-excellent Cirque shows will still be able to find a metric ass-ton of them in Las Vegas. In fact, there are so many, it’s sometimes difficult to tell them apart, so check out our One Minute Guide to All the Cirque Shows in Las Vegas.

Construction of the expanded convention space, by the way, is scheduled to start May 2016 and to be complete in February 2018. There are no plans to replace “Zarkana” with another show.