Category Archives: Vital Signs

Beware the Deceptive CNF Charge at Beer Park, Hexx Kitchen at Paris Las Vegas

The Budweiser Beer Park has opened and Paris Las Vegas, but we’ll never be back.

Why? The new restaurant and bar is the latest Las Vegas venue to ding customers with the deplorable CNF charge, also known as the “Concession and Franchise Fee.”

Beer Park Paris Las Vegas

A perfectly good rooftop bar ruined by WTF.

The CNF charge is also in effect at Beer Park’s downstairs neighbor, Hexx Kitchen & Bar.

The CNF charge gouges customers 4.7% on every check. Most customers don’t even know about the charge until they get their bill.

Essentially, the “Concession and Franchise Fee” is like a resort fee, but unlike with resort fees, you get absolutely nothing for your money. At all. Whatsoever.

Beer Park Paris Las Vegas

Remember the name so you can remember to forget to go there.

This disgusting charge means if Beer Park served a liquid cure for cancer served from vaginas made of gold, delivered by dolphins, we would never, ever go there again. And we are a big fan of dolphins. And vaginas, come to think of it.

We’d love to be able to talk about the Beer Park space, the social games it provides (like pool and cornhole), the selection of beer, the food menu. But the CNF charge sends us into such a rage, we honestly don’t care about any of that. Gratuitous, slimy, devious charges negate any positives, plain and simple.

Beer Park's CNF fee, like it's pool tables, requires lots of balls.

Beer Park’s CNF charge, like it’s pool tables, requires lots of balls.

Why do we call the CNF charge “devious”? Because, as we mentioned, the vast majority of customers are unaware of the charge until it’s too late.

Here’s a look at the Beer Park menu. The giant red arrow isn’t on the actual menu, although that would be a step in the right direction.

Beer Park Las Vegas menu

Beer Park reserves the right to have a blatant disregard for honorable business practices.

Oh, yes, there’s a mention of the 4.7% CNF charge but in microprint, at the end of a blurb about the dangers of eating undercooked food.

Las Vegas CNF charge

It would be funny if it weren’t so infuriating.

This has “deceptive business practice” written all over it.

So, you know what? Screw you, Beer Park, and we’re going to do everything in our power to keep people away from your despicable den of deception. We’re so worked up, we’re breaking out in alliteration.

Same goes for you, Hexx.

Hexx Kitchen CNF charge

No one has ever been able to provide a legitimate reason for this fee, but it’s always entertaining when they try.

It’s worth noting the “Concession fee” also applies to retail items purchased at Hexx. Thanks to @pbechervaise on Twitter for that tidbit.

Beer Park and Hexx aren’t the first Las Vegas establishments to screw guests over with these hidden charges. (Thanks to reader Jon Nichols for alerting us to the CNF charge at Beer Park, by the way.)

Also guilty of this shameless, shameful money grab are Cabo Wabo Cantina at Planet Hollywood, Senor Frog’s at Treasure Island and Rhumbar at Mirage. Read more.

The only good news about this fee, if there is any, is unlike with other fees (such as paid parking), we have the power to do something about it.

The solution to the growing problem of CNF charges is easy: Don’t go to these places. Run, don’t walk, to establishments that appreciate you and your patronage.

What can you do if you’re presented with a bill that includes a CNF charge you didn’t know about? Refuse to pay it. Talk to a manager, demand the charge be reversed and raise holy hell. Tell everyone you know to stay away. E-mail. Tweet. Comment on Facebook. Rant. Rail. Fight back.

Let these venues know we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it in the cornhole anymore.

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With Downtown Grand’s “Casino” Sign, Three Time’s a Charm

When Downtown Grand opened in downtown Las Vegas in October 2013, its “Casino” sign stood as a testament to renewal and high hopes.

A company called CIM Group bought the former Lady Luck for $100 million and invested another $100 million in renovating the resort.

Downtown Grand

Downtown Grand’s first “Casino” sign, in 2013. Neon over LEDs for the win.

The casino’s second sign was a variation of the first, with tweaked colors.

To us, the sign was a symbol of the reality check Downtown Grand and its management, Fifth Street Gaming, faced as the resort struggled to find success.

Downtown Grand

Like the hotel-itself, Downtown Grand’s sign was a work in progress.

Recently, Downtown Grand replaced its “Casino” sign yet again.

This time, the sign better reflects the resort’s branding and we’ve decided to take the latest change as a sign the resort is going to find its groove, continue to improve its offerings and meet its potential as a stand-out Las Vegas destination.

Downtown Grand Las Vegas

Now, we’re getting somewhere.

We’ve poked some fun at Downtown Grand in the past, but ultimately, we’ve come around to the idea we’d rather have a Las Vegas casino rather than not-a-casino, any day. So, we’re going to try some cheerleading for awhile.

In the meantime, we’re going to visit more often (geography helps, as we work at Fremont Street Experience), imbibe more often (no-brainer) and play more often (there’s a revamped player’s club, too) at Downtown Grand.

Because it’s a great resort, because taking jabs doesn’t help keep dealers dealing, bartenders tending and chefs cheffing, and maybe if we play there more, if we all try to, we can help keep Downtown Grand’s neon neoning.

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Little Darlings Strip Club Makes Dramatic Play for Asian Tourists

The love affair between Las Vegas casinos and Asian gamblers has been well-documented.

For example, Chinese travelers stay longer in Las Vegas than other international gamblers and when they’re here, they spend more (about $3,200 per person, per trip). Recently, the Bellagio even went so far as to mount a multi-million dollar theatrical production to woo Asian tourists.

Now, a Las Vegas strip club has made an ingenious move to attract Asian customers. Little Darlings, an all-nude strip club just off The Strip, has altered its name (or at least its signage) to appeal to Chinese tourists.

Little Darlings strip club

In Chinese, the name Ling can mean “spirit” or “chime,” either of which would make a solid stripper name, come to think of it.

Las Vegas seems to have an insatiable appetite for big spenders from Asia, so this move by Little Darlings comes as no surprise to seasoned Sin City observers.

The jury’s still out about whether Little Darlings plans to permanently change its name to “Little Lings,” and some question whether such blatant marketing gimmicks will have their intended effect.

We’d love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment if you’d like to wèi in.

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Arena Football’s Las Vegas Outlaws Go Under

The floundering Las Vegas Outlaws, Sin City’s third attempt at an Arena Football League franchise, have ceased operations after just one season.

The Las Vegas Outlaws launched in April 2015, and rumors of the demise of the troubled team have been swirling since June.

The Outlaws have had trouble attracting fans from opening day, with attendance at home games averaging a paltry 3,500.

Las Vegas Outlaws

And, yes, to answer your other question, there’s still an Arena Football League.

In mid-July, control of the Las Vegas Outlaws was wrested away from owner Vince Neil, former frontman for Mötley Crüe, by the Arena Football League. Neil and his ownership partners reportedly lost control of the team when debts mounted and the AFL stepped in to bail the team out.

Vince Neil, ever the class act, blamed Las Vegas on the team’s financial problems. “Sports teams survive on sponsorships. It’s the sponsors who keep all sports alive, and unfortunately Las Vegas did not step up as much as we envisioned with sufficient sponsorships.” Get out your waders, folks, it’s finger-pointing time. Read more.

Vince Neil’s cringe-worthy rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” at the launch event for the Outlaws is the stuff of Las Vegas legend, for all the wrong reasons.

The Outlaws are the third AFL team to tank in Las Vegas.

In 1994, there was The Sting. Unable to gain a foothold in Vegas, the team eventually moved to Anaheim, California. (They became the Anaheim Piranhas.) Another team, The Gladiators, made a go of it in Vegas from 2003 to 2007 before relocating to Cleveland.

Seriously, how bad to things have to get before moving to Cleveland is an improvement?

As for the Las Vegas Outlaws, insiders claim AFL Commissioner Scott Butera is seeking a new ownership group for the team. Vince Neil says, cluelessly, “The Outlaws will be back for next season.” Right. Don’t hold your breath.

 

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Sin City’s Ultimate Lounge Lizard, Cook E. Jarr, Is Back at Paris Las Vegas

In some cities, being described as a “lounge lizard” isn’t exactly flattering, but screw that, in Vegas it’s a badge of honor!

The ultimate Las Vegas lounge lizard, Cook E. Jarr, has announced his return from a brief hiatus and he’ll take the stage at Paris Las Vegas beginning June 15, 2015. The show is expected to be free.

Cook E. Jarr

If you don’t get Cook E. Jarr, it’s possible you don’t get Las Vegas.

Cook E. Jarr has a rabid following, and fans were disappointed when he ended his run at Harrah’s Las Vegas on August 27, 2014. Before that, he was a fixture at Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall, now The Cromwell.

Jarr will perform in Napoleon’s Lounge at Paris every Monday, 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.

Unlike lots of Vegas performers, Cook E. Jarr is in on the joke. He mocks his own helmet-like hairstyle, for example.

Cook E. Jarr

Cook E. Jarr has performed at the Sands, Dunes and El Rancho, among others.

The good news is that, also unlike may Vegas performers, Cook E. Jarr actually sings during his show, as opposed to using vocal backing tracks. He typically sings to pre-recorded music, but the karaoke is of top-notch quality, and Jarr never fails to entertain.

During one show, we saw Jarr pull an audience member onstage to chat with the guest’s family member on the phone. During the show. It was awesome.

Cook E. Jarr

Cook E. Jarr works a crowd like Gordon Ramsay works an expletive.

Jarr’s show is overflowing with cheese, just the way we like our lounge acts in Vegas. He’s pretty much guaranteed to do a patriotic number draped in an American flag. Audiences don’t cringe, they roar their approval, proof of Jarr’s timeless charm.

Cook E. Jarr

“God Bless the U.S.A.” is Jarr’s go-to anthem.

Cook E. Jarr’s unique form of schmaltz is a throwback to a quirkier time on the Las Vegas Strip and we wish him all the best with his new gig.

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A Metric Ass-Ton of Las Vegas News We Have Neither the Time Nor Inclination to Write More About

It’s time for a cavalcade of Las Vegas news we’d love to write more about, but writing often involves “research” and “spell checking,” which we’re almost entirely not interested in. Here we go!

googie Nevada lawmakers took a time out from being batshit crazy to make an actual good decision: They voted to approve Uber and other ride-hailing companies. The bill failed a couple of times until legislators figured out how to attach $70 million in taxes to the deal (the 3% tax on fares will also hit taxi companies). The governor is expected to sign the legislation. Nobody seems to know when the law will take effect, so more on that soon.

Uber

Taxi companies state, “How can you trust a company with such a glaring bias toward umlauts.”

googie In other legislative news, Nevada Governor Brian approved a bill allowing slot machines with “skill-based, arcade-style elements.” Which translates, of course, as “slot machines with the appearance of being skill-based to entice Millenials into playing slot machines.”

Top Dollar

Trust us, we’re familiar with slot machines providing the illusion of being skill-based.

googie Downtown’s Fremont Street Experience (where this blog works as his day gig) has announced its free Rock of Vegas summer concert series schedule. The first concert featured KC and The Sunshine Band on May 23. Upcoming concerts include Tonic and Vertical Horizon (May 30); The Smithereens, Tubes and Motels (June 13); Smash Mouth and Toad the Wet Sprocket (June 27); Theory of a Deadman (July 18); Spin Doctors & Cherry Poppin’ Daddies (Aug. 1) and Kansas and Blue Oyster Cult (Sep. 6). For details, visit the awesome official site, and we’re not just saying that because we do their Web site. Probably.

KC and The Sunshine Band

KC assured booties were, indeed, shaken.

googie The Interlude bar at The Cromwell is being taken over by Drai’s Group, the folks behind the hotel’s extraordinarily annoying and successful Drai’s Beach Club & Nightclub. It’s expected drink prices will continue to be outrageous, but now guests will have the opportunity to drink them in the company of even more preening, self-absorbed dipshits.

Cromwell bar

Dibs on The Preening, Self-Absorbed Dipshits as a band name.

googie The Lucky Dragon project has released new renderings, and has symbolically begun pouring concrete. There’s no actual evidence this nine-story, 201-room boutique hotel-casino has financing, so it’s likely this project could be another SkyVue observation wheel. Check out the project’s Web site to witness a company trying really, really hard to be seen as legit.

Lucky Dragon

Of all the new casino projects unlikely to ever actually happen in Las Vegas, we’re most excited about Lucky Dragon!

googie The Cafe at Monte Carlo will close June 7 and the venue will be turned into a “meetings and event” space. This is just one of the changes coming to Monte Carlo, including a rebrand and overhaul of the hotel’s rooms. Read more.

Monte Carlo

Outside Monte Carlo. Your results may vary.

googie Speaking of Monte Carlo, longtime Monte Carlo magician Lance Burton is working on a feature film, “Billy Topit, Master Magician.” The tagline alone, “The mob wants to make him disappear, permanently!” should be worth the price of admission. Or, rather, the price of the DVD. Which, judging from the Fivrr poster design, this movie is going directly to.

Billy Topit

Lance Burton performed more than 5,000 shows in Vegas. He retired in 2010. Although, obviously, not completely.

googie A new show we will never attend, under any circumstances, has opened inside Light nightclub in Mandalay Bay. “For the Record: Baz,” a Baz Luhrmann-inspired cabaret show, is a collaboration between Cirque du Soleil and The Nation Jazz Hands Association, an organization which may or may not actually exist. Read more and let us know what you think if you see it.

Baz

“Baz” combines two of our favorite things, nightclubs and “immersive theatrical concert experiences.”

googie Slide the City, a Vegas-sized Slip ‘N Slide experience, has put Sin City on its schedule. The 1,000-foot-long slick vinyl slide is three football fields long and it making appearances in cities across the country this summer. Details are few, but it’s a flipping Slip’n Slide!

Slide the City

Typically in Vegas, slick vinyl costs extra. Photo courtesy of Slide the City.

googie Jennifer Lopez has announced a residency at Axis Theater at Planet Hollywood starting Jan. 20, 2016. Yes, the announcement is a little premature, but we’re pretty sure that’s not the first time Jennifer Lopez has evoked that reaction.

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez was once known for her singing and dancing, but after movies like “Maid in Manhattan” and “Monster-in-Law,” she’s now known for her singing and dancing.

googie The world’s largest Hooters restaurant will soon open at The Palms. It was slated to open in early May 2015, but we’re pretty sure that isn’t happening unless the Hooters organization is in possession of a time machine. Also of note: Simon restaurant at The Palms closed May 22. A new casual restaurant, Cafe 6, has taken its place.

Hooters Palms Vegas

Three words: World’s biggest hooters. Now, we get to sit back and see how many people find this blog through Google searches.

googie A popular New York restaurant, Carbone, will make its Vegas debut at Aria in October. Triple George Grill’s reign as best chicken parm in Las Vegas could be in jeopardy.

Carbone

Carbone means “coal” in Italian, a fact which qualifies this photo caption the most useless one useless you’ll read today. At least until the next one.

googie In other restaurant news, Wolfgang Puck’s Postrio restaurant has closed at Venetian after 16 years. The closure involved a millionaire celebrity chef whining about how high his rent was.

Venetian

The Venetian boasts its own Rialto Bridge, inspired by the one in Venice, Italy. The original was damaged by fire in a 1310 revolt. Told you that last photo caption wouldn’t be the most useless.

googie The “Crazy Girls” revue, formerly of Riviera Las Vegas, has re-opened at Planet Hollywood. The show happens in the Sin City Theatre each night at 9:00 p.m. Reps say the show’s famous bronze statue will be installed inside Planet Hollywood soon. Find the show on Facebook.

Crazy Girls

On May 1, the run of “Crazy Girls” at Riviera came to an end. The Riv closed May 4. Usually, photos of the statue feature butts. This blog does not live by society’s rules.

Just kidding.

Riviera Crazy Girls

The aforementioned “Crazy Girls” butts.

googie Frankie Scinta’s show closed at The D Las Vegas on May 20, 2015. The Scinta crew is a longtime fixture on the Las Vegas lounge scene, and are doing one-off shows around town.

Scinta

Frankie Scinta illustrates the importance of properly maintaining PVC trap assemblies in residential home sinks.

googie “Duck Commander Musical,” the mutant offspring of A&E’s “Duck Dynasty,” closed at Rio Las Vegas on May 17, 2015, and not nearly soon enough from the sound of it. While well-produced, audiences didn’t migrate to the ill-conceived flop. Fun duck facts: A duck’s penis is shaped like a corkscrew and becomes erect within a third of a second.

Duck Commander Musical

Fun duck facts: A duck’s penis is shaped like a corkscrew and becomes erect within a third of a second.

That’s all the vital Vegas news we can think of in our current state of mind (specifically, hammered).

If you have Las Vegas news or tips, send them our way. Leave a comment on this blog, find us on Twitter or Facebook, or just swing downtown sometime. We’ll be the one promoting responsible gaming and drinking in moderation. Or whatever the opposite of that is.

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