Category Archives: Las Vegas WTF

10 Ways Visiting Las Vegas is Like Getting a Colonoscopy

When you think of visiting Las Vegas, it’s unlikely the first thing that pops into your mind is “Colonoscopy!”

Surprisingly, though, those two experiences have a lot in common. And probably not in the ways you think.

Here, then, is a hastily-slapped-together list of “10 Ways Visiting Las Vegas is Like Getting a Colonoscopy.” In case that wasn’t clear from the title of this blog post. Please try and keep up.

1. Preparation is Essential

When it comes to visiting Las Vegas, planning is critical. Ditto colonoscopies. The preparation
stage isn’t the most fun, but time spent planning is time well spent. Do your research, think
things through and you’ll get the most out of your visit. Or procedure. Whichever.

Miracle Mile colon art

Hey, you try and find photos that combine Las Vegas with colonoscopies.

2. There Will Be Lots of Drinking Involved

Whether you’re hitting Sin City or getting an endoscopic exam of your large bowel and the distal
part of the small bowel, drinking is going to play a key role. In Vegas, you’ll be drinking to
lose your inhibitions. With a colonoscopy, it’ll be a liquid laxative to give your doctor an
unobstructed view of your patootie. Which, we fully realize, is a word which hasn’t been used
since 1971, but let’s not get bogged down with word choice.

3. You’re Bound to Meet Fascinating People

When you visit Las Vegas, be open to meeting intriguing new people, it’s part of the fun. The
same goes for your medical procedure. You’re sure to meet doctors, anesthesiologists, nurses and, in our case, legions of interns observing the colonoscopy. Some of your best memories will be of the people you meet, guaranteed.

4. At Some Point Your Ass Will be Hanging Out, and It’s OK

Whether you’re donning a hospital gown or hitting a Las Vegas dayclub, it’s pretty much inevitable you’re going to be overexposed. This isn’t the time to be shy. Nobody’s judging you. Be confident, be fearless and, please, avoid sitting on anything cold.

Crazy Girls Las Vegas

Two for two.

5. There Will Be Parts You Don’t Remember

While you’re sure to have lots of colorful memories during your Vegas visit, or colonoscopy, there are also going to be portions of your experience you won’t remember at all. Just know a lot of fascinating things happened during those gaps in time, and look forward to seeing the photos, because you know they’re out there.

6. You’ll Probably Have to Deal With Some Crap

Unwanted Fees. Scheduling mishaps. Long check-in lines. These are all part of the deal when it comes to colonoscopies. And visits to Las Vegas. We’re finally starting to hit our stride with this comedic premise, don’t you think? Thanks for your patience.

Caesars Palace Caesar statue

Given the fact there are no fingers involved with a colonoscopy, we’re probably stretching it.

7. There Are Sure to Be Surprises

You simply never know what you’ll encounter during a colonoscopy. It’s possible you’ll discover a polyp. The same goes for Las Vegas. You may encounter a polyp. More than likely he’ll be performing an upside-down straight jacket escape at Luxor.

8. Sometimes You’ll Feel Like You’re Taking It In the Rear

Discomfort can result from both rectal probing and cold streaks in a Las Vegas casino. In either case, the feeling will pass. Keep your cool, take deep breaths and power through.

Roulette

One of those moments.

9. It’ll Be Over Before You Know It

Time flies both when you’re visiting Las Vegas and when you’re having a colonoscopy. When you visit Las Vegas, it feels like you’re just warming up and it’s time to go home. A colonoscopy’s exactly the same, except that the fact it’s over quickly is possibly the best thing in the world. How Einstein never used the comparison between a Las Vegas visit and a colonoscopy to illustrate time is relative, we’ll never know.

Crystals Las Vegas

We’re sorry you’ll never again be able to see the whirlpools at Crystals mall at CityCenter without thinking of colons. Probably.

10. Expect to Do It Again at Regular Intervals

While the motivations may be different, the result is the same. Expect you’ll visit Las Vegas and have a colonoscopy on a regular basis from here on out. (Hopefully, not at the same time.) In both scenarios, you’re taking the measures necessary to live a longer, happier life.

Whether you’re visiting Las Vegas or getting a colonoscopy, thanks for visiting the Vital Vegas blog. Which, for the purposes of this article, we’re sort of wishing was called the Vital Pahrump blog.

We’ll wait.

Share some Vegas. Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone

All Net Arena Takes Part in Las Vegas Ritual of Pointlessly Pushing Dirt Around

For Las Vegas projects that can’t get financing, there’s a time-honored tradition: The technical term is “Pushing Dirt Around.”

Alon did it before its plug was pulled, and now workers at the All Net Arena and Resort site, between SLS Las Vegas and the abandoned Fontainebleau resort—the former location of the Wet ‘n Wild water park—are doing some dirt pushing of their own.

All Net Arena construction

Of all the projects not happening in Las Vegas, All Net Arena is certainly one of those.

The folks behind the troubled All Net Arena and Resort project, led by ex-NBA player Jackie Robinson, are grading the site, which is a fancy way of saying, you guessed it, “moving dirt around.”

Presumably, there are plans to build underground parking and install utilities as well. Why one would do these things, when there’s virtually no hope the project’s ever going to fly, we have no idea. Las Vegas developers may not always have financial backing, but they rarely lack optimism.

Along those lines, Robinson says the project should open in December 2019, or roughly around the time we all have flying cars.

All Net Arena construction

“Grading” is the process of ensuring a site’s subsoil is level to provide a solid base for an erection. Oh, just make up your own joke.

The All Net Arena and Resort will cost $1.3 billion, and is supposed to have a 22,000-seat arena, a retail and restaurant complex and a 500-room hotel.

There’s been lots of asshattery behind the scenes with the project, including lawsuits galore. Read more from the Las Vegas Review-Journal, currently the only entity with the patience to wade through all this crap.

All Net Arena construction

It’s the construction site version of “Where’s Waldo?”

Despite the bleak outlook for All Net Arena, we’re rooting for its success, because we love new Las Vegas things, and the north end of The Strip can use all the help it can get.

Somebody obviously scraped together the cash to do the grading of the site (trust us, nobody’s working on credit with this organization), so anything’s possible.

All Net Arena Las Vegas

Sure, there’s a whole lot of nothing at the All Net Arena site now, but just wait until you see the amount of nothing there will be in 2019.

Whether All Net Arena gets off the ground or not, abandoned underground parking is far less an eyesore than a hulking carcass like Fontainebleau or 250-foot concrete pillars.

We’re looking at you, SkyVue observation wheel.

Share some Vegas. Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone

Las Vegas Gets First Strip Club to Accept Bitcoin

A new strip club in Las Vegas, The Legends Room, will be the first in Sin City, and possibly the world, to accept Bitcoin.

Bitcoin is a digital currency understood by approximately four people, total.

The Legends Room strip club (sorry, “gentlemen’s cabaret”) opens in April 2017, and announced it will accept Bitcoin in addition to traditional forms of payment for its services.

Legends bitcoin

The Legends Room will accept not only Bitcoin, but 29 other equally baffling cryptocurrencies.

The club, located at 4416 Paradise Road, near the Hard Rock Hotel (a partner in The Legends Room), is the site of the former Club Paradise. Club Paradise closed after being embroiled in a credit card fraud scandal.

A visit to the official Legends Room site sheds no light on how the whole Bitcoin experience will work. A news release states the club’s memberships are “recorded using blockchain technology.”

We have personally read the club’s news release 141 times, and are still confounded by the cavalcade of terms like “Winklevoss ETF,” “fractional ownership,” “active aftermarket” and “liquidity opportunities.”

We’re sort of just here for the lap dances.

Bitcoin Las Vegas

How to purchase Bitcoin: 1) Create a Bitcoin wallet (like a Bitcoin bank account). 2) Find a Bitcoin ATM. 3) Scan your hand. 4) Become confused. 5) Ask the Internet for help.

Kudos to The Legends Room for being the first strip club to accept Bitcoin, or perhaps more accurately, Titcoin™. Admit it, we’ve shown extraordinary restraint and maturity not using that term before now.

In the name of giving you the exhaustive investigative journalism you so richly deserve, we’ll have to drag our prized 0.31725361 Bitcoin (currently valued at $402.76) to The Legends Room when it opens. Naturally, we’ll need to brush up on our strip club slang first.

While The Legends Room can claim it’s the first strip club to accept Bitcoin, it’s not the first adult-oriented business in Las Vegas to do so. Back in May 2014, the Bunnies of Las Vegas escort service was the first business of its kind to accept Bitcoin.

Talk about liquidity opportunities.

Share some Vegas. Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone

Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar and Grill Gets Red Solo Cup Chandeliers

The next time you swing by Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah’s Las Vegas, look up. There, you’ll see some new flair, specifically, red Solo cup chandeliers.

Yes, that’s an actual thing.

Red solo cup chandelier

We are not making this up.

I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah’s has been serving up ample portions of American favorites delivered by attractive young women in assless chaps since June 29, 2005.

“Red Solo Cup,” of course, was a big hit by Toby Keith, so it follows his namesake restaurant on the Las Vegas Strip would have accoutrements inspired by the song. The video for “Red Solo Cup” has received more than 37 million views on YouTube.

Red solo cup chandelier

Solo cups come in other colors, but 60% of all Solo cups are red.

Fun fact: The “Red Solo Cup” video features cameos by some Las Vegas regulars, including Lance Burton, Carrot Top, Jeff Dunham and Sammy Hagar.

While it’s not often in the headlines, Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill does solid business at Harrah’s.

Red solo cup chandelier

Upside down beer pong is considered the most difficult drinking game, ever.

The tongue-in-cheek red Solo cup chandeliers actually serve to class the place up a bit, and we’re a big fan of both creativity and self-depricating humor.

We can’t recall ever having had a meal at Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar & Grill, but we’ve had cocktails there, which might explain the first part of this sentence.

Look, it’s a slow news day, so cut us some slack.

Share some Vegas. Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone

Caesars Entertainment Preps to Launch Paid Parking

Paid parking has become the new normal at Las Vegas resorts, and one of the Strip’s biggest players, Caesars Entertainment, is ready to expand its paid parking program to include guests who self-park.

We hit The Strip to check on the progress of the paid parking roll-out expected to kick in sometime in March 2017. Caesars Entertainment already charges for valet parking at most of its Strip resorts.

Flamingo Las Vegas paid parking

Up first, Flamingo. The parking machines are encased in plywood. Let’s keep it that way!

While we were on a quest to visit every Caesars casino that will have paid parking, we did make the occasional stop to imbibe, a word which comes from Latin, meaning “if you can feel your face, you’re doing it wrong.”

At Flamingo, we had a lovely dinner at Carlos’n Charlie’s, including one of our favorite dishes in town, the Parmesan & Swiss Chicken. We played a bit of blackjack, and couldn’t help but snap a pic of two newlyweds at a nearby table.

Casino newlyweds

Congrats to the lovebirds. Oh, and both of the newlyweds were women. Las Vegas loves everyone’s love equally.

Next, we bopped next door to the Linq hotel, and again, paid parking machines are in place.

Linq paid parking

The machines at Linq are at the top of a steep incline, so that’s sure to be interesting.

Our Parade of WTF isn’t done yet. Right next door is Harrah’s Las Vegas, where a familiar theme is beginning to unspool. If you can unspool a theme. Just play along.

Harrah's paid parking

Harrah’s appears to have the most machines of any Caesars resort. If this keeps up, Las Vegas is going to experience a plywood and yellow paint shortage.

Next, we zip across the street to Caesars Palace, recently named “Las Vegas Resort With the Most Topless Women Carved From Marble.” We were going to say “David Wang,” but not everyone knows there’s a replica of Michelangelo’s David at Caesars Palace.

Back to the parking thing.

Caesars Palace paid parking

Caesars Palace is lagging a bit. We’re cool with that. Take your sweet time.

Paris Las Vegas and Bally’s share a parking structure, so we got a two-fer.

Paris Bally's paid parking

We totally predicted the plywood shortage.

Part of the pitch with paid parking has been it will help upgrade the various parking garages. That appears to already be happening at Paris and Bally’s. The parking structure already has a lighting system to let guests know which spaces are available (green) or not (red, please try and keep up).

Paris Bally's parking

You’re paying for the availability indicators, so enjoy! Bonus: The Availability Indicators would make a great band name.

While Caesars Entertainment has said the self-parking at Rio Las Vegas will remain free, we decided to have a look, anyway. And, boy, we’re so glad we did. As expected, there were no paid parking machines to be found at Rio. Inside, however, we found gold.

Rio Kiss Mini Golf Car

This awesome Kiss Mini Golf Car is right on the casino floor at Rio. Curious if they had to pay to park there.

While the car is cool, we found something even cooler. It’s so Vegas, it’s ridiculous. Apparently, guests have been getting creative with their selfies, so Kiss Mini Golf had to take the necessary actions to deter such behavior.

Wait for it.

Rio Kiss Mini Golf Car

So Kiss. So Vegas. So awkward.

Time to swing by Planet Hollywood. There was no trace of parking machines at Planet Hollywood, and presumably the hotel won’t be charging for parking because the structure is owned and managed by Miracle Mile Shops, not Caesars Entertainment. We take our good news where we can get it!

That’s about it. When Caesars Entertainment rolls out its paid parking program in full, it will mark the end of an era in Las Vegas. MGM Resorts started the trend when it instituted paid parking across its half of The Strip.

Visit Caesars Entertainment’s Web site for all the paid parking details.

It’s important to note you can still park free at both MGM Resorts and Caesars Entertainment resorts, but you have to get their respective credit cards. Having the card bumps you up to a qualifying tier in their player loyalty clubs. Get details about MGM Resorts’ program here.

The big casino companies seem determined to ride out their paid parking plans, despite rumors of fallout inside the casinos. Retail shops at some MGM Resorts casinos have reported drops of as much as 30% in business since paid parking was implemented.

We recently shared an MGM Grand insider’s observation that front line employees (from valets to cocktail waitresses and bartenders) have taken a major hit in tips, a decrease of 30% to 50%, according to our source. Read more.

Still, stock prices continue to rise, so it’s likely paid parking is here to stay. (Although, given recent bumps in the road, the jury’s still out.) Paid parking is also coming to Cosmopolitan, Wynn and Encore. While paid parking may seem to make business sense short-term, there’s a growing feeling the decision to charge for parking may have unforeseen consequences, including a change in the perception of Las Vegas itself.

Update (2/11/17): Caesars Entertainment has also announced it will raise resort fees at 10 Strip resorts.

One blog’s opinion: This really is the worst possible time to learn we can’t sit on the tongue.

Share some Vegas. Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone

Jay Leno, Brad Garrett Taping on Fremont Street Accompanied by Drama

Comedians Jay Leno and Brad Garrett were spotted on Fremont Street taping an episode of CNBC’s “Jay Leno’s Garage.”

Jay Leno Fremont Street

Jay Leno hosted “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” from 1992 to 2009. He pretty much had to because the show had his name in it.

The duo drew quite a crowd on Jan. 27, 2017, as they interacted playfully with fans and showed off a vintage car, Brad Garrett’s 1948 Chrysler Town and Country.

Jay Leno's Garage

We have no idea if this is a 1948 Chrysler Town and Country. We are a blog, not a gearhead. Assuming those are still a thing.

The “Garage” segment was taped largely on Las Vegas Boulevard, just outside Hennessey’s Tavern and the Heart Attack Grill.

What you won’t read anywhere else is the behind-the-scenes drama that happened prior to the shoot on Fremont Street.

Jay Leno Brad Garrett

In the sequence, Jay Leno prodded the crowd to express their disdain for Brad Garrett putting a modern engine in his classic car. We expect this is very amusing to car people.

Originally, the sequence was supposed to feature the Heart Attack Grill restaurant in nearby Neonopolis.

The restaurant is known for its indulgent, high calorie food and quirky culture. For example, all customers are required to don hospital gowns before dining. Women dressed as “Naughty Nurses” spank customers who are unable to finish their meal, and one of the nurses, Lorren “Lola” Cackowski, is a little person.

heart_attack_can2

According to a rep of Heart Attack Grill, after a month of planning for the taping inside the restaurant, the production company (Original Productions) sent a message saying, “Jay let us know he doesn’t want to partake in any of the theatrics with nurses, little people or spanking.”

The owner of Heart Attack Grill insisted the shoot include the “theatrics” (although he concedes the spankings aren’t everyone’s cup of tea), so the deal was off. The plug was pulled and the shoot took place exclusively on the street.

Jay Leno

Someone should get to the bottom of whether Jay Leno has a problem with hospital gowns, spankings, little people or all three.

In any event, Las Vegas will feature prominently in an upcoming episode of Jay Leno’s Garage, and now you know the story behind the story. Or perhaps not behind so much as the story sidled up next to the story. Or maybe the story wedged like a thong in the donk of the story.

Enjoy more exclusive photos of Jay Leno and Brad Garrett in Las Vegas as we mull this over and get back to you on the whole metaphor thing.

Jay Leno and Brad Garrett On Fremont Street

[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage1.jpg]79730
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage2.jpg]63060
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage3.jpg]56980
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage4.jpg]52990
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage5.jpg]49750
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage6.jpg]46730
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage7.jpg]44380
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage8.jpg]41970
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage9.jpg]39770
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage10.jpg]37660
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage11.jpg]35660
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage12.jpg]33710
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage13.jpg]31980
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage14.jpg]30440
[img src=http://vitalvegas.com/wp-content/flagallery/jay-leno-and-brad-garrett-on-fremont-street/thumbs/thumbs_jay_leno_garage15.jpg]29010
Share some Vegas. Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on RedditShare on StumbleUponEmail this to someone